Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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