It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
