Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
