Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
