my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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