My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
