my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
