you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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