would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
