Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
