I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
