and you said cock pushups were impossible
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
