Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
