her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
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