So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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