you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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