If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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