Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
