The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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