I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
