he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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