I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
