Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
