Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
