i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
