mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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