if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
