Don't you send me to vm
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
