The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Randomize
