the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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