and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
