i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think I sprained my soul last night
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
