It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
