I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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