So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
