Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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