he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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