don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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