I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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