he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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