my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
