Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
