The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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