I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize