Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
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Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
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Also, beer. Big fan.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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