According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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