are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
