his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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