I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
