I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize