I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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