does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
