Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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