So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
