It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
