why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have fence marks all over my body
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
