In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
