why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize