How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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