you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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