that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
COCAINE IS GR8
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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