Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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