feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
