; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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