I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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