No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
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Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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