Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
