Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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