If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize