Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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