Those balls look pretty dangerous.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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