peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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