I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
