I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
